Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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