This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
