The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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