You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
