That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude i'm inner monologue high
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
