alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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