oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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