Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize