There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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