were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
