Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
