I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
