in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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