btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
