I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
