I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
