He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize