chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't put those talents on a resume
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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