How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A+ Viking dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
