do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
