i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You don't make any sense
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