..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
