he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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