why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize