you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
