News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
