Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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