i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
