Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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