I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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