He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
