I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
