you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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