Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
