just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
