OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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