Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
