My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
