I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
