Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
