I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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