Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
