i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
