if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
