I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
