At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
