My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
