I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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