wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize