So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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