Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize