Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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