My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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