You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
