I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
