apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
