so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize