Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
