Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
