with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
