I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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