i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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