I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can text with my tongue
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
