We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
