i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
