who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
