I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize