hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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