I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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