did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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