I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
