with your own penis?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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