ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
