I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
