she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
