I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
