some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize