And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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