OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize