I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
