Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
