youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he fucked my hip out of place.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
