so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
