wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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