I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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