Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
