he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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