Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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