She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
