By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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