i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
vagina is talking i cant
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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