the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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