If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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