It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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