I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
