The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
