so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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