i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize