I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
