I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
