i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize