i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
