we have officially lost it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
