I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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