So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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