I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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